you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
