I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
