tonight lets celebrate not being married
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
