Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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