Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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