Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
