next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
