She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
