I want to walk on stilts...naked
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
