dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
sex in a hospital.. check
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
