Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
