I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
