Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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