Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
