So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
