they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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