I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
