so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
