I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
