The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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