I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
