I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
