I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
