her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
