so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
