So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
