Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
