After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
