Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize