I think my vagina is haunted
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
