im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
