very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
COCAINE IS GR8
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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