apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
