I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
