whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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