we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
