Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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