You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
