your parents love me but you hate me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
