how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
