i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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