While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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