I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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