I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
