it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How's work?
Spinning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
