I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
