I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize