You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
