I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
