I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
