i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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