and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
