oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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