time to smoke my breakfast
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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