I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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