There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
