She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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