1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
