This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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