Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize